Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sacrifice
After reading a post by a friend detailing his visit to the beaches of Normandy in France, I began to think about what it would look like if sacrificing ourselves and putting others first were second nature to us...looking at every single thing I do during the day and start reevaluating...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Service
It's not always being honest w/ ourselves. We play mind games to make ourselves feel like we're doing ok.
So, being honest, if we have a true passion to serve God, then we will ACCEPT where we are in our journey of service w/out regret knowing that we are forgiven and our worship/service is lovingly appreciated by God. We don't have to feel guilty about our lack of service or proud of what we think is "better than most" or "pretty good".
Wanting to serve and putting that into action w/ an humble heart is what he wants us to do.
So, being honest, if we have a true passion to serve God, then we will ACCEPT where we are in our journey of service w/out regret knowing that we are forgiven and our worship/service is lovingly appreciated by God. We don't have to feel guilty about our lack of service or proud of what we think is "better than most" or "pretty good".
Wanting to serve and putting that into action w/ an humble heart is what he wants us to do.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Awake
I have to ask myself what I'm supposed to do w/ my day when I wake up each morning. Am I truly living for Christ? Is my agenda set up to show that is my priority?
Will my actions show that God is in control?
Am I awake enough to pay attention to my own life?
Will my actions show that God is in control?
Am I awake enough to pay attention to my own life?
Awake
I have to ask myself what I'm supposed to do w/ my day when I wake up each morning. Am I truly living for Christ? Is my agenda set up to show that is my priority?
Will my actions show that God is in control?
Am I awake enough to pay attention to my own life?
Will my actions show that God is in control?
Am I awake enough to pay attention to my own life?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Cram
For the first time in a long time, while driving my truck down I-10 yesterday headed towards Baton Rouge, I rode in complete silence for over two hours. Except for the sounds of my truck & vehicles around me, there was no other sound. No radio. No singing. No talking.
I took in the sights of the things that had become a monotonous background to me. I still didn't see everything. I still had to drive, but I did find myself staring to the left & right for 20-30 seconds @ a time @ things that I've missed.
It was an experience that I needed. It was tough to think about doing until I just reached up & turned off the radio while my brain screamed 'No!'.
My life is lived way too fast. I live it in a way so that I don't miss anything; however, I end up missing the things that I really should be paying attention to. I cannot remember the last time I was truly relaxed. Every couple of days, the muscles in my neck nearly lock up to the point that any movement can be excruciating...it's stress.
The two hours from yesterday were my first attempt @ sabbath. It's hard because I'm trying to fit stress into my life. I need to turn it around. If I'm to do that, then I would first need to stop. I don't have time to stop or so I think.
I spend time trying to learn everything about the software that I work w/ so that I can be knowledgeable about everything so that I can make myself more marketable. No way I'll know it all. The software has been in development since the early 1990s, yet I still try & learn it all.
I try and figure out what I'm doing all of this for.
I realize that while I'm always looking back on the fun times & trips that I had w/ my family growing up I realize that I'm not making any new ones w/ my own family.
It seems as though my stress level is directly proportioned (exponential @ times) to the amount of effort I put into trying to manipulate/control things that I have absolutely no power over at all. Am I trying to cram more stuff in or hold on to the things I have?
I just finished a major task on our project last night. I finished up around 2am. I was up for almost 22 hours yesterday. I got 4 hours sleep last night.
The problem w/ all of this...I'm teaching my family how to do the exact same thing.
If I were only able to put my full trust in God, I'm sure things would be different; however, I just have a hard time believing it although I know that it to be true. Just makes the words of Cage The Elephant ring true:
There ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
There ain't nothing in this world for free
I know I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could
There ain't no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good
Every entry that I've written here has been during my time in Baton Rouge. I very rarely pull up our personal laptop @ home. I'm just tired of dealing w/ computers. I've been coding on computers since I was in the 3rd grade.
I need a break.
I believe the time I spent taking a break yesterday was beneficial in helping me find the next step in my path to something that I believe will be a tremendous breakthrough for God's work as far as I'm involved. I believe that I will finally have the true relaxation that I'm lookiing for when I'm sold out in service to God.
I took in the sights of the things that had become a monotonous background to me. I still didn't see everything. I still had to drive, but I did find myself staring to the left & right for 20-30 seconds @ a time @ things that I've missed.
It was an experience that I needed. It was tough to think about doing until I just reached up & turned off the radio while my brain screamed 'No!'.
My life is lived way too fast. I live it in a way so that I don't miss anything; however, I end up missing the things that I really should be paying attention to. I cannot remember the last time I was truly relaxed. Every couple of days, the muscles in my neck nearly lock up to the point that any movement can be excruciating...it's stress.
The two hours from yesterday were my first attempt @ sabbath. It's hard because I'm trying to fit stress into my life. I need to turn it around. If I'm to do that, then I would first need to stop. I don't have time to stop or so I think.
I spend time trying to learn everything about the software that I work w/ so that I can be knowledgeable about everything so that I can make myself more marketable. No way I'll know it all. The software has been in development since the early 1990s, yet I still try & learn it all.
I try and figure out what I'm doing all of this for.
I realize that while I'm always looking back on the fun times & trips that I had w/ my family growing up I realize that I'm not making any new ones w/ my own family.
It seems as though my stress level is directly proportioned (exponential @ times) to the amount of effort I put into trying to manipulate/control things that I have absolutely no power over at all. Am I trying to cram more stuff in or hold on to the things I have?
I just finished a major task on our project last night. I finished up around 2am. I was up for almost 22 hours yesterday. I got 4 hours sleep last night.
The problem w/ all of this...I'm teaching my family how to do the exact same thing.
If I were only able to put my full trust in God, I'm sure things would be different; however, I just have a hard time believing it although I know that it to be true. Just makes the words of Cage The Elephant ring true:
There ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
There ain't nothing in this world for free
I know I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could
There ain't no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good
Every entry that I've written here has been during my time in Baton Rouge. I very rarely pull up our personal laptop @ home. I'm just tired of dealing w/ computers. I've been coding on computers since I was in the 3rd grade.
I need a break.
I believe the time I spent taking a break yesterday was beneficial in helping me find the next step in my path to something that I believe will be a tremendous breakthrough for God's work as far as I'm involved. I believe that I will finally have the true relaxation that I'm lookiing for when I'm sold out in service to God.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Patience
Crazy Love. Nehemiah. Sabbath. Sex God. Revelation. The Kingdom. Mastering the Art of Living. Advent. Marriage. Personal/spiritual growth. Strengths. Weekend to Remember. Personality Profile. Fastastical. Desire. Perspective. Hope. Relationships. Giving. Purpose. Serve. Worship. Communion. Lent. Family. Community. Holistic. Mission. Christian.
Over the past year, I've learned more about all of these things. The common thread between them all was I was involved and God was there every step of the way...he created it all...only makes sense that he was there. It wasn't always so clear to see him @ work.
That first paragraph is very telling when I look back. I thought that through this past year dating to when I first started attending missional community w/ Ecclesia-Clear Lake that I was really growing & learning about God. What I'm realizing is that this past year has been about recognition. There are so many ideas that are running through my head about what how I've recognized this/that along the way. Mainly, I'm able to do a true self-evaluation of who I am, and, as I dig deeper, I see how God has intertwined hisself w/ the very fibers of my being.
I've come to see that the dreams that I have had for so long could be attained, oh yeah, but they were going to be difficult w/out God. The funny part is that most of those dreams don't seem to be in line w/ what God wants for me anyway. I could attain my dream & not have anyone to celebrate it w/. How hollow a victory would that be?
Now, just because I've learned all of this stuff over the past year doesn't mean that I'm done learning nor do I know what the heck I'm supposed to be doing "to find my place in this world". I'm not really looking to find the "place" I'm supposed to be. What I do know is that I'm supposed to serve. I don't know who, what, when, where, why, or how long.
I cannot remember the last time I stopped and acknowledged who God actually is == Sabbath.
I'm working to apply all of those things from the first paragraph to my life. There are areas of my life that I thought were getting better as I was learning, but I was not really changing--merely understanding the "why" behind many of my actions/emotions. Nothing very difficult has really been put in place. Does that mean that I'm not growing as fast as I should? No, it means that I'm growing. No measuring sticks here. Striving to live like I should.
There are times I wish that God would give me a vision, a sparkling clear 102" HD version of my life that he wants me to live. It would be so much easier to know what decisions that I'm supposed to make although the decisions themselves wouldn't be easy (I'm guessing).
Why doesn't God send us visions like he did to his folks in the bible? Through out your scholarly responses, faith-blocking sin, etc... God, why don't you just give me a dvd of my week ahead so that I don't have to guess/stress? Why did you make us a present-living creature? Yeah, dependence on you. I got it. Why give non-detailed biblical instructions that apply to each of us? Why not give us each a life-guiding gps dream once we make the decision to follow you?
........
........
........
Is that it? I'm not totally sold out & you'll only reveal a little piece of the puzzle @ a time? Our gps is faith? Ok, biblically I can understand it, but it really sucks because it doesn't give me the whole story.
I still haven't added one item to the first paragraph because I'm still working on it...
Patience.
Over the past year, I've learned more about all of these things. The common thread between them all was I was involved and God was there every step of the way...he created it all...only makes sense that he was there. It wasn't always so clear to see him @ work.
That first paragraph is very telling when I look back. I thought that through this past year dating to when I first started attending missional community w/ Ecclesia-Clear Lake that I was really growing & learning about God. What I'm realizing is that this past year has been about recognition. There are so many ideas that are running through my head about what how I've recognized this/that along the way. Mainly, I'm able to do a true self-evaluation of who I am, and, as I dig deeper, I see how God has intertwined hisself w/ the very fibers of my being.
I've come to see that the dreams that I have had for so long could be attained, oh yeah, but they were going to be difficult w/out God. The funny part is that most of those dreams don't seem to be in line w/ what God wants for me anyway. I could attain my dream & not have anyone to celebrate it w/. How hollow a victory would that be?
Now, just because I've learned all of this stuff over the past year doesn't mean that I'm done learning nor do I know what the heck I'm supposed to be doing "to find my place in this world". I'm not really looking to find the "place" I'm supposed to be. What I do know is that I'm supposed to serve. I don't know who, what, when, where, why, or how long.
I cannot remember the last time I stopped and acknowledged who God actually is == Sabbath.
I'm working to apply all of those things from the first paragraph to my life. There are areas of my life that I thought were getting better as I was learning, but I was not really changing--merely understanding the "why" behind many of my actions/emotions. Nothing very difficult has really been put in place. Does that mean that I'm not growing as fast as I should? No, it means that I'm growing. No measuring sticks here. Striving to live like I should.
There are times I wish that God would give me a vision, a sparkling clear 102" HD version of my life that he wants me to live. It would be so much easier to know what decisions that I'm supposed to make although the decisions themselves wouldn't be easy (I'm guessing).
Why doesn't God send us visions like he did to his folks in the bible? Through out your scholarly responses, faith-blocking sin, etc... God, why don't you just give me a dvd of my week ahead so that I don't have to guess/stress? Why did you make us a present-living creature? Yeah, dependence on you. I got it. Why give non-detailed biblical instructions that apply to each of us? Why not give us each a life-guiding gps dream once we make the decision to follow you?
........
........
........
Is that it? I'm not totally sold out & you'll only reveal a little piece of the puzzle @ a time? Our gps is faith? Ok, biblically I can understand it, but it really sucks because it doesn't give me the whole story.
I still haven't added one item to the first paragraph because I'm still working on it...
Patience.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I don't know
When I start to write, I don't give it a title until I am done because the words usually go in a totally different direction than I originally intended. Same goes here.
As I randomly have time to write, I'll look @ what is on my mind or is directly in front of me and ask 'Why?'. Powerful word. Dangerous. Life-changing. Don't taunt the answers it gives you if you actually pay attention after inquiring. Listen to your children will give you plenty of practice dealing w/ the question. Sometimes, after you've exhausted your knowledge to them, the answer is "I don't know".
Why?
(listening) As I was getting ready to write here, I started w/ an idea in mind of what I I was going to write & the 'why' behind it. As I started to question the 'why', I realized there was more to it so I changed the title I was thinking about. Yep, I changed it at least three times. I don't know what it should be now. I guess we'll see @ the end.
Why?
(where are you) As I set here today, I take stock of my life as I normally do on Tuesdays. Imagine "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" just w/out all of the funny stuff. I'm tired. I drove in from Houston to Baton Rouge yesterday morning & sat @ work for seven hours before breaking to leave a little after 7pm so that I could grab dinner from Raising Cane's (no, I didn't really want to eat there) and go back to my hotel to work for another two hours. My workload today isn't very heavy. Tomorrow it'll spike, and I'll be in the zone I normally get into when the pressure is on.
Why?
(dig deeper) I realized I have been conditioning myself for years to cram as much "life" into my 24 hours as I could. I have to get ahead. I don't have time to be tired. I have to fill that time w/ productive work, so that @ the end I can take an extended break from whatever. If I'm not doing something, I'm falling behind. My anxiety grows. I can feel the sweat forming on my forehead.
Why?
(keep going) Well, I want to take a break, but I want to earn it. I don't want to be labeled lazy. I want to provide my family w/ the best so that they don't have to worry about their provisions. I want to be known as a dependable, hard worker. I want to be a great husband and father. I don't want people to have anything to complain about when it comes to me.
Why?
(don't stop now) It will make my life easier. I'm not really spending the majority of my time doing something that I really enjoy. I miss spending quality time w/ my family. I want to make their life easier so they don't have any reasons to not spend time w/ me. I want to spend time w/ my friends but don't want them to have excuses either. If I can do all of these things for them, then they can have the time to spend w/ me.
Why?
(now you're rolling) These are things that "I" want. I haven't said anything about God in here @ all. I had moments where I needed to "fill" my life w/ something where I wouldn't fall behind. I needed to stop & take that sabbath time. A 24-hour sabbath is incomprehensible to some folks, like me, but I know that I can take "sabbath moments" to acknowledge God. I'm hoping to use what I realize in those moments to condition myself to follow directions & keep the sabbath holy.
Why?
We're really getting honest here. I've been scared to death for years of letting go of the "control" I had on my life. If I truly let God lead me, I know, I KNOW, that I am going to be making changes to my life because for so long my life has been self-fulfilling.
Why?
I don't really enjoy what I'm doing as a "profession". Supposedly, I'm good @ what I do. I make an income that has provided comforts for our family; however, the provision is uncomfortable. I'm one of those folks that wants to do the work once & allow it to continuing to work for me w/out me giving the same effort.
Why?
I absolutely do not see any benefit that I provide to the work that I do. Sure, I may help a company function more efficiently allowing their service to be provided cheaper and the employees to be compensated better, but I don't see that. How do I quanitify that? How does that help me? It doesn't. Have I glorified God w/ what I've been doing?
Why?
My life is not for the glorification of me & those nearest to me. I am to live my life to glorify God in all that I do. That's great. I love that, but I despise what it means. It means I have to change, and I really don't want to. Is there a way that I can slightly change the alignment that will bring all things to the pinnacle of utopian atmospheric conditions that I'm pining for? The problem w/ implementing change in your life is the change part.
Why?
Because of the unknowns. Go back to yesterday and Perspectives. I'm learning that the difference between success and failure is perspective. I don't want to change because of the unknows (what will I have to give up?). I'm working towards...I want to change because of all of the unknowns (what cool things will I be able to find and improve my life & those around me?). I have a lot to learn.
Why?
The more I learn about God the more I'll learn who I am. I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to be me w/out worry of what people think about me. If I'm living for Christ and to serve those around me, then I have nothing to hide.
Now, back to the beginning...why am I working here in Baton Rouge every two weeks instead of being home w/ my family? There are many reasons that I can give from many perspectives. I know that I need to be home & want to be there. I'm thankful that this company is allowing me to be home every other week. Was there ever a doubt as to what this would be titled? God has a plan for me.
Why?
As I randomly have time to write, I'll look @ what is on my mind or is directly in front of me and ask 'Why?'. Powerful word. Dangerous. Life-changing. Don't taunt the answers it gives you if you actually pay attention after inquiring. Listen to your children will give you plenty of practice dealing w/ the question. Sometimes, after you've exhausted your knowledge to them, the answer is "I don't know".
Why?
(listening) As I was getting ready to write here, I started w/ an idea in mind of what I I was going to write & the 'why' behind it. As I started to question the 'why', I realized there was more to it so I changed the title I was thinking about. Yep, I changed it at least three times. I don't know what it should be now. I guess we'll see @ the end.
Why?
(where are you) As I set here today, I take stock of my life as I normally do on Tuesdays. Imagine "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" just w/out all of the funny stuff. I'm tired. I drove in from Houston to Baton Rouge yesterday morning & sat @ work for seven hours before breaking to leave a little after 7pm so that I could grab dinner from Raising Cane's (no, I didn't really want to eat there) and go back to my hotel to work for another two hours. My workload today isn't very heavy. Tomorrow it'll spike, and I'll be in the zone I normally get into when the pressure is on.
Why?
(dig deeper) I realized I have been conditioning myself for years to cram as much "life" into my 24 hours as I could. I have to get ahead. I don't have time to be tired. I have to fill that time w/ productive work, so that @ the end I can take an extended break from whatever. If I'm not doing something, I'm falling behind. My anxiety grows. I can feel the sweat forming on my forehead.
Why?
(keep going) Well, I want to take a break, but I want to earn it. I don't want to be labeled lazy. I want to provide my family w/ the best so that they don't have to worry about their provisions. I want to be known as a dependable, hard worker. I want to be a great husband and father. I don't want people to have anything to complain about when it comes to me.
Why?
(don't stop now) It will make my life easier. I'm not really spending the majority of my time doing something that I really enjoy. I miss spending quality time w/ my family. I want to make their life easier so they don't have any reasons to not spend time w/ me. I want to spend time w/ my friends but don't want them to have excuses either. If I can do all of these things for them, then they can have the time to spend w/ me.
Why?
(now you're rolling) These are things that "I" want. I haven't said anything about God in here @ all. I had moments where I needed to "fill" my life w/ something where I wouldn't fall behind. I needed to stop & take that sabbath time. A 24-hour sabbath is incomprehensible to some folks, like me, but I know that I can take "sabbath moments" to acknowledge God. I'm hoping to use what I realize in those moments to condition myself to follow directions & keep the sabbath holy.
Why?
We're really getting honest here. I've been scared to death for years of letting go of the "control" I had on my life. If I truly let God lead me, I know, I KNOW, that I am going to be making changes to my life because for so long my life has been self-fulfilling.
Why?
I don't really enjoy what I'm doing as a "profession". Supposedly, I'm good @ what I do. I make an income that has provided comforts for our family; however, the provision is uncomfortable. I'm one of those folks that wants to do the work once & allow it to continuing to work for me w/out me giving the same effort.
Why?
I absolutely do not see any benefit that I provide to the work that I do. Sure, I may help a company function more efficiently allowing their service to be provided cheaper and the employees to be compensated better, but I don't see that. How do I quanitify that? How does that help me? It doesn't. Have I glorified God w/ what I've been doing?
Why?
My life is not for the glorification of me & those nearest to me. I am to live my life to glorify God in all that I do. That's great. I love that, but I despise what it means. It means I have to change, and I really don't want to. Is there a way that I can slightly change the alignment that will bring all things to the pinnacle of utopian atmospheric conditions that I'm pining for? The problem w/ implementing change in your life is the change part.
Why?
Because of the unknowns. Go back to yesterday and Perspectives. I'm learning that the difference between success and failure is perspective. I don't want to change because of the unknows (what will I have to give up?). I'm working towards...I want to change because of all of the unknowns (what cool things will I be able to find and improve my life & those around me?). I have a lot to learn.
Why?
The more I learn about God the more I'll learn who I am. I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to be me w/out worry of what people think about me. If I'm living for Christ and to serve those around me, then I have nothing to hide.
Now, back to the beginning...why am I working here in Baton Rouge every two weeks instead of being home w/ my family? There are many reasons that I can give from many perspectives. I know that I need to be home & want to be there. I'm thankful that this company is allowing me to be home every other week. Was there ever a doubt as to what this would be titled? God has a plan for me.
Why?
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