Patience

Crazy Love. Nehemiah. Sabbath. Sex God. Revelation. The Kingdom. Mastering the Art of Living. Advent. Marriage. Personal/spiritual growth. Strengths. Weekend to Remember. Personality Profile. Fastastical. Desire. Perspective. Hope. Relationships. Giving. Purpose. Serve. Worship. Communion. Lent. Family. Community. Holistic. Mission. Christian.

Over the past year, I've learned more about all of these things. The common thread between them all was I was involved and God was there every step of the way...he created it all...only makes sense that he was there. It wasn't always so clear to see him @ work.

That first paragraph is very telling when I look back. I thought that through this past year dating to when I first started attending missional community w/ Ecclesia-Clear Lake that I was really growing & learning about God. What I'm realizing is that this past year has been about recognition. There are so many ideas that are running through my head about what how I've recognized this/that along the way. Mainly, I'm able to do a true self-evaluation of who I am, and, as I dig deeper, I see how God has intertwined hisself w/ the very fibers of my being.

I've come to see that the dreams that I have had for so long could be attained, oh yeah, but they were going to be difficult w/out God. The funny part is that most of those dreams don't seem to be in line w/ what God wants for me anyway. I could attain my dream & not have anyone to celebrate it w/. How hollow a victory would that be?

Now, just because I've learned all of this stuff over the past year doesn't mean that I'm done learning nor do I know what the heck I'm supposed to be doing "to find my place in this world". I'm not really looking to find the "place" I'm supposed to be. What I do know is that I'm supposed to serve. I don't know who, what, when, where, why, or how long.

I cannot remember the last time I stopped and acknowledged who God actually is == Sabbath.

I'm working to apply all of those things from the first paragraph to my life. There are areas of my life that I thought were getting better as I was learning, but I was not really changing--merely understanding the "why" behind many of my actions/emotions. Nothing very difficult has really been put in place. Does that mean that I'm not growing as fast as I should? No, it means that I'm growing. No measuring sticks here. Striving to live like I should.

There are times I wish that God would give me a vision, a sparkling clear 102" HD version of my life that he wants me to live. It would be so much easier to know what decisions that I'm supposed to make although the decisions themselves wouldn't be easy (I'm guessing).

Why doesn't God send us visions like he did to his folks in the bible? Through out your scholarly responses, faith-blocking sin, etc... God, why don't you just give me a dvd of my week ahead so that I don't have to guess/stress? Why did you make us a present-living creature? Yeah, dependence on you. I got it. Why give non-detailed biblical instructions that apply to each of us? Why not give us each a life-guiding gps dream once we make the decision to follow you?

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Is that it? I'm not totally sold out & you'll only reveal a little piece of the puzzle @ a time? Our gps is faith? Ok, biblically I can understand it, but it really sucks because it doesn't give me the whole story.

I still haven't added one item to the first paragraph because I'm still working on it...

Patience.